How To Make a Decision

by Mark Chmiel

A friend shared this with me this evening.  Some people out there may recognize their own process herein.

 

Step 1: Recognize option A as a reality

Step 2: Celebrate option A as the best possible choice in every alternate universe with no hesitations

Step 3: Recognize option B as a new reality

Step 4: Celebrate possibility of option B as new best possible choice in every alternate universe with no hesitations

Step 5: Pause

Step 6: Realize that option A and option B cannot both be chosen

Step 7: Experience immediate onslaught of existential crisis about self-identity, family, love, and God

Step 8: Read a lot of books about vocation and spiritual discernment

Step 9: Name all personal values after careful and painful deliberation

Step 10: Decide option A is good and pragmatic and safe

Step 11: Decide option B is unconventional and uncertain and exciting

Step 12: Decide option B best aligns with personal values

Step 13: Decide option A makes the most sense for career trajectory and family values

Step 14: Try to convince self to choose option A over option B

Step 15: Contact every mentor ever trusted and get them to try to convince self to choose option B over option A

Step 16: Decide on option B but continue to torment self with doubt, hesitations, and “what ifs”

Step 17: Accept option B

Step 18: Experience relief at having made a decision

Step 19: Reject option A and re-experience renewed existential crisis about how one is incapable of making intelligent decisions and has ruined one’s career and one’s life

Step 20: Comfort self that option A was not all it was cracked up to be

Step 21: Reach out to all mentors ever trusted (again) to confirm that life as we know it is not yet over

Step 22: Continue to torment self with doubt and derision

Step 23: Accept option B as reality and resign oneself to making the most of fate

Step 24: Promise self to never ever again make a decision

Step 25: Enjoy option B and delusional decision-free life (for the time being)

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